Jekyll and Bride

Too Drunk to Wed

2007-04-30T17:09:00.000-04:00

After getting our hair done for the wedding, my bridesmaids and I stopped at a drugstore (CVS, to be exact) to pick up some snack foods and a bottle of cheap champagne to drink while we got dressed. A bottle of champagne doesn't go very far between a handful of girls. We each got maybe a glass and a half of the bubbly.

I don't think the boys had time to have anything to drink before the ceremony-- and that's probably a good thing-- because in some countries,

Picture Book

2007-04-17T10:25:00.000-04:00

First of all, let me say that I expected our wedding to be the best day of my life-- metaphorically. After all, it's the first day of our official life together, so why wouldn't it be the happiest of my life, right?

I wasn't expecting it to literally be the most fun I've ever had. But it was. I saw so many people for the first time in years. I hadn't seen Jason and Peter in two years, I hadn't seen Amy in three years, I hadn't seen Darren since 2001, Adam since 1999, Melina since 1998. True, there were a lot of people who couldn't make it-- and I really missed having people like Sandy, Nicki, Susan and Gretchen there-- but I think I would have been completely overwhelmed if they'd all made it.

Like I said in another post, I'm still piecing together the events from Saturday night-- so much happened. But the pictures are helping fill in some of the details. Cory and I got to see the first few sets of pictures from the wedding over the last couple of days. We went out to dinner with some family on Sunday night and peeked at a lot of digital photos (Still in camera). Then on Monday, our dj, Marq, brought in a bunch of pictures he took with a little disposable camera. They aren't the greatest photos in the world, but a few of them are pretty funny.

I took all of our disposable reception cameras to Walgreens yesterday-- they should be ready later today (yeah, I could have gotten one-hour processing, but I waited 37 years to get married... I can wait one more day to see some of the pictures!)

I promise-- the full wedding saga is on the way... starting with the days leading up to the wedding... and a crazy Friday the 13th.

Wedding Stories

2007-04-16T17:35:00.001-04:00

Over the next few days (or weeks, or months as the fuzzy details slowly come back to me), I plan on posting stories and pictures from the wedding. Some are bizarre. Ok... actually, most are bizarre.

Monday's story: When we left our second reception (yep, we had more than one reception), we told people that they could take the flowers, leftover cookies, etc. Apparently, as everyone was driving to the bar (which we took over and kind of turned into our third reception), one of my co-workers was throwing little squares of cheese out of his car windows at other passing cars.

ETA

2007-04-09T22:37:00.000-04:00

5 days till the wedding...

People are already starting to arrive.

Jan, Ann, Jim, and Connor -- aka mother of the bride, maid of honor and her family -- flew into Fort Myers on Friday night. KO and I had dinner with them all on Easter (great ka bobs, Jim!) and I went for a dip in the 86 degree pool...good stuff.

Tonight, my dad and my sister pull into town and check into their house -- also the site of the reception party -- good news...it's got a HUGE lanai...too bad the living space leading out to it isn't as open.

More peeps arrive Wednesday...

Everybody Panic!!!!

2007-04-07T12:00:00.000-04:00

I had a little wedding panic attack the other day.

It started when I woke up from a wedding nightmare at 7:00 am and couldn't fall back asleep.

Then, around 8 am, I checked my email and The Weather Channel had been kind enough to send me a wedding-day forecast... that included thunderstorms.

Then, I had a bounce-back message from the woman who runs our ceremony site. The email I sent her never arrived. In my experience, a bounced-back email usually means that person doesn't work there anymore.

Then I got a phone call from the Salon. The woman who's been cutting my hair for the last six months-- and who was supposed to style my hair for the wedding-- and who is supposed to cut my hair on Tuesday quit. (I know... you should never get your hair cut the week of the wedding-- but I didn't have a choice-- and I trusted her not to screw it up).

Shit, shit, and shit. Commence panicing.

Things have improved (slightly) since then. For starters, the forecast has changed again-- it now says "mostly sunny" for our wedding day. Of course, the next day it's supposed to rain all day long... so things could change again... and not for the better.

Second, I finally reached the woman at the ceremony site. Apparently, they're updating the website and her email hasn't been working for two weeks. But she's still there-- and the wedding is still on-- weather permitting.

As for my hair.... well.....

A Good Night's Sleep

2007-04-03T10:46:00.000-04:00

For the first time in about two months, I made it through a full night without a single wedding nightmare!

Hooray me!

More fuel for my Wedding Nightmares

2007-03-28T11:00:00.000-04:00

"The restaurant was left with a hole in the wall, broken glass on the floor and bloodstains on the carpet following the reception for more than 50 people."

And People Think Cory is Tall...

2007-03-28T10:48:00.000-04:00

... he didn't even have trouble finding a tuxedo that would fit. I suspect Bao Xishun probably can't buy off-the-rack, though.

Turns out while the world's tallest man was out rescuing sick dolphins, his "people" were trying to find him a bride. She's half his age-- but at least she's more than half his height.

All Dressed Up...

2007-03-27T11:13:00.000-04:00

Monday was a big day for wedding planning in the O&O household. Not only did we get a wedding band for Cory (see below), but I got to try on my wedding dress!

That's right, I've had the dress in my posession for about ten months (It arrived here on May 1st) , and I had no idea if it fit.

Okay-- I take that back. I kind of tried it on back in May. But because it has a corset-style back, it's pretty hard to put on without a little help. So, basically, I just stepped inside it, held up the front, saw that the length looked about right, and then put it away in a giant rubbermaid container. Seriously.

I finally took it to a local seamstress yesterday, and officially got to try it on. It fits perfectly (and after all, it should, since it was custom made for my measurements)! The shoes I bought were even the right height, which makes me even happier.

The best news? They'll hang onto the dress until the day before my wedding-- so that's one less thing that I need to worry about for the next 2 1/2 weeks! Hooray!

Kismet From Above

2007-03-26T13:12:00.000-04:00

There's a new post on my blog about how we picked out my wedding band....check it out:

Kismet From Above

A waste of postage

2007-03-22T21:29:00.000-04:00

I'll admit-- I haven't always been the most concientious person when it comes to sending response cards for a wedding. Oh, I always respond if I'm going. But if I'm not going, well... you're probably not ever going to see that card again. And forget about the stamp. I'm using it for something else.

Now I've now discovered how nice it is to get those "we're not coming" notes.

To date, we've received 18 response cards back. That's out of 90 invitations. And I'm no math whiz... but that sounds like 20%. And tomorrow is the "please respond by" date.

Now, we have received two phone calls-- one a "yes" and one a "no." And I got an email from another friend who says she's booked her flight, so I'm assuming she'll be here. So 21 out of 90. That's 23 percent.

Even worse, most of the people who have responded are people we already knew were coming-- like our parents, for example.

My dream? That I open our mailbox tomorrow and it's positively overflowing with response cards. The reality? We're averaging a little less than three responses a day, and I'm guessing that's just about the number that will arrive tomorrow.

Shamrock Shower

2007-03-18T11:14:00.000-04:00

One of my very sweet coworkers, Janet, threw me a shower last night. Even better, a St. Pats day bridal shower at a Chinese/Japanese restaurant. Seriously.

It was very small-- just eight of us, all coworkers, but we had a lot of fun. They assured me that I'm not as far behind on my wedding planning as I think I am. I heard a few horror stories, ate some Spicy Chicken and Broccoli, drank a couple of Tsingtaos, and opened presents. A few of the girls there work the overnight weekday shift, so I rarely get to see them, but they were sweet enough to bring gifts. In fact, one of them, I'd never met until Thursday.

Oh-- and they made me wear a cardboard leprechaun hat with a veil attached to it. Good times.

Please, Mr. Postman

2007-03-15T00:45:00.000-04:00

When I got home today, the first thing I did was look at the mail to see if there were any response cards. Much to my chagrin, there was only bills and sales fliers.

I jokingly said to Cory, "Maybe nobody's coming to our wedding."

He smiled and showed me two response cards that he'd been hiding from me. Sneaky bastard.

By the way, the first two response cards were from my aunts. Apparently, they're very conscientious and prompt responders. Hooray!

Sign #4,192

2007-03-08T09:42:00.000-05:00

That your wedding is getting you a little stressed out:

You dream that police find your caterer handcuffed-- and dead-- in the trunk of your car.

That might also be sign #4,192 that I watch waaaayyy too much Law & Order.

Finally!

2007-03-08T09:41:00.000-05:00

The invitations went in the mail yesterday morning.

Whew.

The Silver Lining

2007-03-02T10:21:00.001-05:00

At least now, we have nice envelopes for our Thank-You cards.

They Come In Threes, You Know

2007-03-02T09:49:00.000-05:00

Last night, I started addressing envelopes. Since we don't have the actual invitations yet (see below), we really can't assemble the invitations yet, but at some point the curiosity got to me, and I had to look at all of our invitation stuff.

I've always been like that. When I was a teenager, If I bought a record at the store, I'd open it the second we got in the car. Jan would always look at me like I was retarded. After all, you couldn't play the album in the car. But I had to look inside-- see if there were any liner notes, or song lyrics, or fun pictures on the record liner. I just couldn't wait.

So, I'm digging through the stuff... and Snag #3 appears.

You know those cute little envelopes that come with the response cards? The ones that (when you get an invitation), you stick the response card into the pre-addressed envelope, and drop it into a mailbox? The phenomenally convenient little envelopes?

Instead of printing our address on the front of the envelopes, so that people can conveniently mail them back to us... the printers put the address on the back flap of the envelope, as though it were a return address.

So, another call was made. And once again, the customer service was fantastic. We had it resolved within about 30 seconds, and she said they're going to be shipped out today.

While I was on the phone with her, I asked about the problem invitations and whether the replacements had been shipped yet. She looked it up, and sure enough, they were shipped out yesterday-- less than 24 hours after we had called to complain.

I don't know how I feel about this company. On the one hand, they screwed up our invitations twice... and that's pretty bad. But on the other hand, the customer service has been outstanding-- both times, we've been ready for a fight... and both times, they surprised us by taking care of it immediately.

So anyway, that's snag #3. The wedding is six weeks and a day away-- and the stress level is slowly rising.

Bridal Confession

2007-03-01T21:06:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday, I went shopping for wedding stuff... nothing major... just some ribbon, little accessories, things of that nature.

And I also started looking for a headpiece.

If you know me well, you know that I very rarely wear my hair up. A combination of a long neck and bad posture leaves me looking (as I put it) "Lurchy" without hair covering my neck.

So, wearing my hair up really isn't an option in my world. And that means I need to do something with my hair to make it "fancy" for the wedding.

Over the last several months, I've been buying little sparkly hair accessories, hoping that I like one (or a few) enough to incorporate them into the bridal ensemble. And I think I hit the jackpot.

Ok, there are actually two confessions coming up. The first, is that I'll be wearing a hair accessory purchased at (gasp!) Claire's. Yep... the same place where I used to buy neon pink plastic hoop earrings when I was a teenager. The same place where I bought my "happy bunny" bumper sticker. That Claires.

Wait... it gets better. The second confession I have to make-- is that I wear my little headpiece every time I do something "Bridal." Like addressing envelopes. Or blogging about my wedding. Yeah, that's right. I'm wearing it right now.

I'm such a dork.

Snag Number Two

2007-03-01T20:56:00.000-05:00

It only took a day for our number of pre-wedding snags to double. Hopefully, this exponential growth won't continue.

At just a teensy bit over six weeks before the wedding, we still haven't sent our invitations. Not a huge deal-- when I was doing wedding invitation orders at Foland's, we were told that it was proper etiquette to send invitations six weeks before the date. That and to always spell ~~"honor"~~ "honour" with a "U."

Our invitations arrived yesterday! Hooray!! We had them delivered to Cory's office, because we didn't want the UPS guy to just plop them outside our front door if we weren't home (a good call, since it rained a bit yesterday). Around 2 pm, I called Cory to see if they'd arrived yet, and he went up to the front desk, and there they were.

The right invitation, the right color, the right accessories... everything except they screwed up on the invitations. And since I was at the ballpark waiting to interview Terry Francona, I couldn't exactly call the place and pitch a fit. So Cory had to do it.

Supposedly, we're going to get corrected invitations by Saturday. Yeah, I know.... we're supposed to have them mailed out by Saturday. Well, the good news is that they didn't mess up the envelopes... so I've already started addressing.

The First Snag (of many to come...)

2007-02-27T20:35:00.000-05:00

I knew eventually we'd have to hit some kind of a snag. A little over six weeks to go until the wedding, and we've hit the first one. It comes in the form of bridesmaids dresses.

I found the dresses I wanted way back in October, but I've held off on ordering the dresses for a long time. First it was because I'm lazy. Then it was because Nikki was pregnant... and we wanted to wait and see how big she would get. Then it was because we weren't sure she'd be able to be in the wedding at all. Then, once again, it was because I'm lazy

At some point in that time, they stopped making the dress. Not a big deal, the place I was planning to order from had many still in stock. But now they're running out of sizes. And they've run out of one of the sizes I'm pretty sure I need.

There is a silver lining, however. For the last few weeks, I've really been second-guessing the style I picked. And the other style I've been considering has plenty of sizes in stock. So maybe I should look at this as fate. Or destiny. Or divine intervention... take your pick.

I was talking with my hairstylist today about the wedding, and she told me something that really made a lot of sense. Only Cory and I really know what the wedding is supposed to be like. If we hit a snag here or there (say, we can't get the flowers that we had our hearts set on-- or the caterers bring the wrong side dish), who's going to know? Nobody but the two of us, that's who. So unless things go horribly wrong (like the caterers don't bring any food at all, or there's another wedding booked at our site), who cares?

At least, that's my attitude right now. We'll see if I feel that way in (eek!) 46 days.

Hair Comes the Bride

2007-02-19T20:57:00.000-05:00

I've spent a lot of time worrying about what I'm going to do with my hair for the wedding. So seeing this video isn't helping me at all.

That can't be for real, right?

Slacker

2007-02-19T20:27:00.000-05:00

Wow. I haven't posted anything onto this site since October? Really??

A lot has happened since then.

First of all, we found a priest for the wedding. Sort of. He used to be a priest. And you're going to laugh when you hear this... we found him at Rent-A-Priest. Seriously. We met with him last week, and Cory and I both really liked him.

Second, the riverboat got its liquor license! Hooray! Unfortunately, the beverage options are pretty minimal. There's not enough room behind the "bar" for a keg, so it'll have to be canned beer. We're still working on getting decent wine for the cruise. We'll see what happens there.

The third, and perhaps most stressful thing that happened was the loss of a bridesmaid. Nicole (sometimes affectionately referred to as "Crackhouse Nicki") is pregnant. And due about two weeks before our wedding. Yikes. When she told me she was pregnant, months ago, I had a sneaking suspicion that things could get a little hairy with the wedding. In December, she called me in tears, trying to decide what to do-- should she pull out of the wedding-- and possible have me hate her forever? Or should she stay in the wedding, knowing that there stood a decent chance of her not being able to come if there were any complications?

Last weekend, we finally decided that she would graciously withdraw from her bridesmaid-ly duties. I think she was afraid I'd be mad at her, but I'm not (you hear that, Nicki? I'm not mad!). As it stands, she's still going to try to make it down here for the wedding. If she can be here, we'll find a place for her. I've already warned her that I might make her a flowergirl!

Here's the tricky part. What do you do when a bridesmaid drops out? Do you go with an uneven number of attendants? Or do you ask someone else, knowing full well that they could be offended by being "second choice."

The decision for us was a fairly easy one. We decided to ask Cory's sister-in-law, Nicole, to step in. And no, not just because she has the same name as the previous bridesmaid. Nicole's husband is the best man, and she's a lot of fun to have around. We don't know each other all that well, but I'm hoping the wedding will give us a chance to get to know each other a little better. Plus, I think she'll look really good in cornflower blue.

Mmmmmmmmmm....

2006-10-12T22:37:00.000-04:00

I've heard of edible underwear, which sounds disgusting (isn't it made of fruit roll-ups?).
On the other hand, this looks delicious:

Chef Makes Wedding Gown from Creampuffs

Another Bridezilla

2006-10-12T22:28:00.000-04:00

Here's a news flash: Weddings can drive women a little crazy.

Don't believe me? (as if anyone wouldn't believe that statement)
Then check out this article:
Police: Mom Tried to Trade Son for Wedding Gown

Being childless (and unwilling to trade Zoe), I just opted for E-Bay instead.

It's A Date!

2006-10-04T12:47:00.000-04:00

Apparently, we missed the boat. The hot wedding date this year isn't April 14th. According to this newspaper article, it's 07-07-07.

Cory and I had to put a lot of thought into our wedding date. See, I'm not allowed to take time off in February, May, July, or November, because those are television sweeps months. In addition to that, I really can't take a weekend off in September or October (high school football), and while I could take a weekend off during March (spring training), I shouldn't take any prolonged time off. It costs too much to travel here in December and January. Oh, and it's hotter than hell here in June and August (not to mention it's also hurricane season), so those months were out of the question, too.

So April it was.

I wanted April 7th. That's the weekend of the Masters' Golf Tournament, so the weekend shift people at my station would have the afternoon off (CBS always airs the Masters, so we never have early newscasts). Unfortunately, Easter is April 8th, and Cory thought that would be really inconvenient for people.

May Sweeps actually begins the last week of April. So I'm not allowed to take April 28th (or any of the surrounding days) off. So, out of 52 possible Saturdays, that narrowed it down to exactly two: April 14th or 21st.

I know, April 14th isn't convenient for everyone. Cory has an aunt who's an accountant. One of my mom's friends is married to an accountant. And April 14th is a pretty busy day for them. And yes, we'll have to make sure we do our taxes early that year.

We picked the 14th because of a few factors. Since it's the week after Easter, it's a little easier for people to come visit. One of my bridesmaids, Anne, is a teacher, and she gets the week after Easter off as "spring break." Cory liked the date because it's his cousin Gavin's birthday (he's one of the groomsmen). It's also his friend Travis' birthday, so he figures he'll never forget our anniversary.

Like I'd ever let him forget if there was the potential for gifts!

Roll, Bride!

2006-09-28T12:34:00.000-04:00

When Cory and I were looking for a site to get married, I briefly considered looking into City of Palms Park, the spring training home of the Boston Red Sox. After all, if they can shoot an episode of "Queer Eye" there, they can host a damned wedding. But let's face it... though we're both baseball fans, neither of us are rabid about it.

On the other hand, University of Alabama football fans are a different breed. Is that Bear Bryant walking her down the aisle? I thought he was dead!

Do you think they played "Rammer Jammer" instead of "Here Comes the Bride?"

Doomsday

2006-09-25T13:13:00.001-04:00

I've essentially resigned myself to the fact that our wedding will probably be a disaster. Way too much family tension + alcohol (or, even worse, lack thereof) + not enough room for many non-family guests + A lot of do-it-youselfing = potential for disaster.

Hopefully, it won't be this bad. But I'm not counting on it.

By the way, on an unrelated note, why do people continue to do this?

Photographer? Check!

2006-09-19T13:05:00.000-04:00

Cory went to meet with the photographer and sign the contract on Sunday night (yes, Sandy, we went with the guy who gives us the negatives). One more bridal task checked off the list!

Weddings are Hard...

2006-08-31T18:36:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned in my last post, Cory and I went to a Bridal Show on Sunday.

The best part? Sampling cakes. Yum. I had a delicious piece of pineapple-banana cake with some kind of coconutty buttercream frosting that was to die for. Even Cory liked it, and he's anti-coconut. It was a little too sweet, though... I don't think I could handle a whole piece of it... but as a sample, it was amazing.

The worst part? The first fifteen minutes. That's because three of the first four photographers we saw were unavailable on our wedding date. And the fourth? Honestly, I could take better pictures with a disposable camera. And no, I'm not joking.

The strangest part? The fact that I'm totally willing to pimp myself for free stuff. One of the local limosuine services was doing a promotion-- they were giving away several three-hour limo excursion. All we had to do to enter the contest was wear one of their T-shirts. A black T-shirt that said "Length Matters" on it. We both put on the shirts, but won nothing. It was a great promotion idea, though.

Earlier this week, we met with a photographer for the first time. His house/office is only about a mile from our apartment, so it was an easy trip. We were there for two hours. Some of his stuff was great, some of it was kind of lame, some of it was really cheesy. I suspect that's pretty much par for the course.

I can't believe how much of a racket wedding photos and albums are. Starting prices to shoot both a ceremony and reception are around $1500. And in most cases, the only thing included is the photographers' time and the proofs. Enlargements? You don't want to know. And the wedding albums? The're about a grand apiece. It's insane. You could easily spend more money on photography than on the reception.

I'm fortunate, in that Steve and Jan are paying for most of the wedding, but I hate spending too much money... even if it isn't my money.

Now that we've had time to pour (pore?) over the reams and reams of stuff we got at the bridal show, there's one photographer that I think Cory and I both really like... his photos were nice, his base price is comparable to all of the others, he uses film instead of digital, and he includes the negatives and a copyright release so that we can make our own enlargements. As of Sunday, he was available on our date. I'm calling him tomorrow... knock on wood for us.

Here come the brides...

2006-08-28T02:16:00.000-04:00

...All thousand or so of them.

Cory and I spent the afternoon at a bridal expo. Good times. Unfortunately, since I couldn't sleep last night, I'm too tired to write about it now. Maybe on Monday.

Three Cheers for Bridesmaids!

2006-08-17T10:50:00.000-04:00

Hip, Hip Hooray!

Not having sisters, I've always dreaded the thought of having to select bridesmaids for my wedding. I'm the type of woman who's always had lots more male friends than female friends-- I can count my close female friends on one hand.

More than once in my life, I've wondered what I would do if my future husband wanted lots of attendants on his side. Thankfully, since Cory and I aren't having an enormous wedding, he decided to just ask his brother, his cousin, and his best friend. And I breathed a sigh of relief. Three bridesmaids, I can handle.

I feel bad, because I only talk to Anne, Nicole, and Kathy a few times a year. So it felt a little weird asking them to be in my wedding. When I was back in Michigan a couple of weeks ago, I got the chance to personally ask Anne and Nicole to be in my wedding. Thankfully, they both said yes!

Then, on Tuesday, I called Kathy and asked her.... Unfortunately, I totally forgot that it was her anniversary (which shouldn't have been that hard to remember... since I was in her wedding). Ooops. Fortunately, she didn't seem to hold much of a grudge.

Now, I just have to find some dresses!

Honeymoon in the Poorhouse

2006-07-25T17:45:00.000-04:00

I just found a really interesting (and somewhat disturbing) website... Cost of Wedding.com. You enter your zip code, and it calculates the average cost of getting married there. I entered our home zip code... and here's the response it gave me:
$24,264.24
Yikes. The website is also quick to mention that "This does not include cost for a honeymoon, engagement ring, bridal consultant or wedding planner."
Of course it doesn't.
Just for fun, I typed in a few other zip codes... including the zip for our ceremony site ($20,404.02) and our reception site ($20,955.48). So, I guess by leaving the cape and heading to the city, I'm saving about 16%.

And before you say to me "Well, you should get married back home... It'll be much cheaper," think again. The average wedding in Rochester, Michigan (Jan's Zip Code) is a whopping $64,245.09. In my dad's zip code, it's even worse... $67,553.85. Yowsa.

Of course, we could get married in K-Ville, Cory's home town, for an average cost of $17,922.45. But we'd have to hold our reception at the fairgrounds. And no, I'm not kidding about that.

The website also breaks down typical expenses category by category. Using our home zip code, those expenses are....
(Drumroll please)

Wedding Attire- $1,667.00
Wedding Ceremony- $2,116.00
Wedding Flowers- $1,029.00
Wedding Jewelry- $1,575.00
Wedding Music- $ 835.00
Wedding Photos/Video- $2,407.00
Wedding Reception- $12,397.00
Wedding Stationery- $ 733.00
Wedding Transportation- $ 510.00
Wedding Favors & Gifts- $1,000.00 (Seriously? $1000 for little matchbooks with our names on them?)

Looking at this list makes my head spin. I can't even imagine spending that kind of money on a wedding. In fact, I've been stressing out about how much everything costs... and compared to $24 grand, we're having a frugal affair.

A Sweet Sensation

2006-07-25T17:20:00.000-04:00

Today, I decided to check in on cakes. Though there are a few bakeries around here that I saw at the bridal show last winter, everyone I talk to says to get my wedding cake at Publix.

They do have one cake design that I really like. It's the one that they have in all of their advertisements in the bridal magazines... Although I wouldn't get it in the pea-soup green shade that you see in this picture.

Then again, maybe I'll just get this one instead.

Another Check-Mark

2006-07-21T10:38:00.000-04:00

Ok... so it's not really a major wedding accomplishment... but we've purchased a caketopper for our wedding. A minor purchase, but a major decision. Here's why:

I love weddings. Actually, that's not really true. I love wedding receptions. Weddings themselves (and their receptions, too) are filled with traditions that I find cheesy. Like the "unity candle." Or a cake with a little bride and groom on top of it.

I thought of being a smart-ass... and either getting a really tacky bride and groom (like this pair of frogs) , or a bizarre one (What is wrong with this couple?) or one that would just confuse people (like an African-American couple).

We actually managed to find something we like on Wedding Accessories.net. We ordered it last week, and it arrived a couple of days ago. After seeing it close-up, the quality isn't exactly what I was hoping for... but it'll do. And at least it isn't frogs.

How To Propose (For Nerds)

2006-07-18T18:01:00.000-04:00

Step One: Rescue girlfriend from Alien Abductors.
Step Two: Produce Ring and Propose.

Hooray for Us!

2006-07-11T00:35:00.000-04:00

Two more bridal tasks I can mark off the checklist: A tentative date (April 14th), and a site for our ceremony. And while I'd love to gush about the beautiful, gorgeous spot where Cory and I will get married, I think I'd rather keep a little mystery to this whole thing. So instead of telling you all about it, I'm just going to post one little picture, as a teaser.

It's the courtyard of a restaurant that I drive past every day on my way to work.
Pretty nice, huh? It's just a little tiny bit of the place we've chosen, but this picture should give you at least a little taste.

Diet Dilemma

2006-07-09T02:03:00.000-04:00

Cory thinks I'm pissed off at him because he's having trouble staying on his diet. What he doesn't seem to understand is that I'm not pissed off... I'm disappointed, of course... but more than that, I'm worried. He's gained about 40 pounds in the 5 1/2 years we've been dating.

I tell him that the reason I want us to go on a diet is because I want us to both look good for our wedding. After all, if you're going to spend well over a thousand dollars just on pictures... you'd better look damn good.

The truth? I love Cory, but I don't want to marry a ticking time bomb. I worry about enough stupid shit already... I really don't want to have something real to worry about.

On the other hand, I feel like an ass for making him go on a diet in the first place. He's a big boy... he should be able to take care of himself. So on the one hand, I feel like a total nag. On the other hand, I feel like if I don't take care of him... he won't take care of himself.

And yeah, I know he'll probably read this. Maybe then, he'll understand.

"Die" With a "T"

2006-07-05T00:50:00.000-04:00

That's right, kids, the wedding diet starts Wednesday (technically, today... though I haven't been to bed yet, so it's still Tuesday in my mind!). For me, the diet is more of a preventative measure. I've put on a few pounds since moving to the Sunshine State. I don't want to gain any more (I have to be able to fit into my lovely e-bay wedding dress, after all).

Cory, I think, wants to lose some pounds for the wedding... or at least he's willing to humor me by attempting to lose weight. But see, here's the thing: Despite the fact that Cory's more chubby than I am, Cory gets to eat about 1,000 calories (per day) more than I do.

How is that fair?

Anyway, the last few days, we've been pigging out. Since I typically get Mondays and Tuesdays off, we've had two days off together. And they've been two holiday-type days, which means lots of food.

As a last hurrah, I just made a batch of kettle corn for a midnight snack. Diet starts tomorrow!

Wedding Nightmare #1

2006-06-24T12:45:00.000-04:00

I had my first reception nightmare the other night. I woke up at about 5:00 am and couldn't fall back asleep.

It was the night before we were going to visit a reception site that Cory and I are both very interested in. However, this particular site has two problems:
1) They don't have their liquor license yet (they've applied... and have apparently been waiting for months for approval).
2) I'm not sure there's enough room. Because I'm not sure how many people will come.

The second problem is the one that made me lose sleep. Here's the deal. Cory has a ridiculously large Irish Catholic family, most of whom live in very small towns in rural Iowa, where apparently there's isn't much to do but have kids. He has a lot of aunts and uncles, and he has even more cousins. And since they all live within about 50 miles of each other, they're a very close family. So, of course, we have to invite all of them.

Don't get me wrong. I love Cory's family. But I can't keep track of them. I don't remember most of his cousins names. And as we worked on our guest list the other night, he couldn't remember at least a dozen of his nieces & newphew's names.

We know that a lot of our guests won't be able to travel upwards of 1,400 miles to come to our wedding. And we're okay with that. We just don't know how many of them will make the trek. After all, Florida's a fairly appealing destination. Disney and Sea World are just a few hours away. It's just tempting enough that they might come.

So, on the one hand, we might only have 40 or 50 people. On the other hand, we might have 90 or 100. And while normally I believe the more, the merrier, I also don't want our reception site to be so overcrowded that nobody has a good time.

That's why I lost sleep. And will probably continue to do so for some time. Oh, and by the way... we still don't have a date set yet. So stop asking!

Seven-Year Itch

2006-06-07T10:58:00.000-04:00

I think we've all stood at a wedding thinking to ourselves "Why am I here? This couple is doomed!"

What? You say you've never done that? I guess maybe I'm just a cynic. I swear, a few times, I've wondered which would last longer-- the marriage, or the warranty on the electric mixer that I purchased off their registry.

Anyway, when I first heard about Weddingbetting.com, I thought it was an actual online gambling site, where you and your friends could wager real money on the longevity of a marriage.

No such luck.

You can, however, poll people about how long you think a couple will last. A couple like this one.

Big-Bucks Brassiere

2006-05-22T22:36:00.000-04:00

Why, oh why, does it cost freakin' $65.00 for a bra that will actually work under my wedding dress? I don't think I've ever spent more than twelve bucks on a bra in my life!

This whole wedding business is a racket. If you need to make some easy money, get into the bridal biz.

Special Delivery

2006-05-01T13:18:00.000-04:00

Apparently, the Chinese postal service kicks USPS ass. It only took four days for my dress to arrive from The People's Republic of China. The doorbell rang at 10:30 this morning, and there it was!

I haven't tried it on, mainly because Cory's home from work today... and because the apartment is a mess and I don't want any crap from the floor messing up the bottom of the dress. I did, however, open it up and make sure that the color was correct (the original design was pink and white... I wanted all white), and it appears to be in good shape. Hooray!

Dress Update

2006-04-30T01:02:00.000-04:00

Your item arrived in the United States at KENNEDY AMC at 2:20 pm on April 29, 2006. Information, if available, is updated every evening. Please check again later.

The Shipping News

2006-04-28T10:18:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I got an email from the ~~Chinese sweatshop~~ factory that made my wedding dress... It's been shipped!

This morning, I checked the tracking number:

Your item left SUZHOU, CHINA PEOPLES REP on April 27, 2006. Information, if available, is updated every evening. Please check again later.

What? You thought I was joking about the sweatshop?

The EBay Bride

2006-04-07T01:21:00.000-04:00

I did it.

Today, I broke down and bought a dress on EBay. Seriously. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. I just hope it doesn't turn out to be ugly as hell once I see it in person. One bridal task down, nine million to go.

Let Them Eat Cake

2005-10-06T20:50:00.000-04:00

My inner Bridezilla is roaring again, thanks to some questionable television programming decisions.

A few nights ago, while flipping channels right before bedtime, I got sucked in by the "Food Network's Wedding Cake Challenge." I know, I know. It's pathetic. And yet, there it was.
It could have been worse. I'd much rather spend an hour of my life watching the "Wedding Cake Challenge" than viewing the "Spam Cook-Off."

At any rate, the cakes were truly amazing. In case you're curious, this cake by Colette Peters, was the winner of the $10,000 grand prize. The other contestants included Michelle Bommarito, Mike McCarey of Mike's Amazing Cakes, and Stanton Ho, the Executive Pastry Chef at the Las Vegas Hilton (which, if you click the link, you'll discover is now the home of Barry Manilow. Yikes.).

As if the "Wedding Cake Challenge" wasn't bad enough, last night, it got much worse. I got sucked into "The Apprentice: Martha Stewart."

I feel the need to mention here that I've never watched an episode of "The Apprentice" with either Trump or Stewart. At least, I hadn't until last night.

I was flipping channels, trying to avoid watching either of the shows that Cory and I were recording. And there was Martha. The challenge for this week's episode? Design and sell a wedding cake. The show was awful. But there I was, watching the whole damn thing.

Curse you, Martha Stewart.

A Decision!

2005-09-25T01:15:00.000-04:00

Or, to be more accurate... we've decided to make a decision... in four more months.

Here's the situation. Cory and I, as you know, have been stalling our decision to set a wedding date. Or a wedding location. Or just about anything else.

Why? Well, first of all, we had considered getting married back in Metro Detroit. But planning a long-distance wedding is bad enough... I'd need Jan to do a lot of the legwork back home. But then she decided she wanted to move to Arizona. That put the kibosh on Michigan. Second, we're both on the hunt for a new job. So we don't want to start planning a wedding here, and then end up moving away and starting all over again. So we decided to wait until we find better jobs, move away, and start planning a wedding wherever we live.

But then, things changed. Jan's staying in Michigan for at least a couple more years. That means we could get married in Michigan... though we're still not crazy about planning a wedding several hundred miles away.

So, we set a date... not for the wedding... but a cut-off date for making a decision. If we haven't found new jobs and left C-Town by February 2nd, we're going to have the wedding in Michigan. Why Groundhog Day? Why not?

Maybe we should get married in Punxsutawney instead.

Domestic Bliss... almost.

2005-07-15T01:28:00.000-04:00

As Cory and I have both mentioned on our blogs before, we're obsessed with watching HGTV. I can't get enough of it. I think I may have missed my calling as an interior designer (though if you've ever seen the inside of my apartment, I'm sure you'd beg to differ).

Last week, I had a kind of informal job interview. I won't go into details except to say that it was a great job at the station of my dreams, and that the boss-type person who interviewed me led me to believe that I'd be back again in the very near future. A week has passed, not a word from the station. No reply to my "thank-you" email. No response to the voicemail from my agent.

That, in itself, is enough to make me really, really depressed. But I also spent way too much time online fantasizing about buying a house and redecorating it. Way, way, way too much time. This happens every time I get a nibble for a job (something that doesn't happen very often). Then, when I don't get the job, I go spiralling into depression.

The house thing is only part of it. Yeah, I'm sick of living in crappy apartments. The job thing, of course, is the major factor. It's pretty depressing when you apply for about 200 jobs a year and get just one or two interviews in that time. But there's another, even more pathetic reason why I get so depressed when I get rejected. See, Cory and I have sworn that we won't start planning our wedding until we've left Columbus. One of us, eventually, will find a good job, and we'll move, buy a house, and finally get married. Or maybe we'll be here forever.

Mental Note

2005-06-29T18:31:00.000-04:00

Don't file a restraining order against your fiance unless you really, really mean it.

Oops, I did it Again

2005-06-27T00:50:00.000-04:00

Yep, they sucked me in again.

Usually, it's a bridal magazine. This time, it was Cosmopolitan. Wedged in betwee "12 Shocking Sex Facts" and "How to feel great in a Bikini," were five words guaranteed to sell magazines:

"That Bitch Ruined My Wedding"

Seriously, how could I pass that up?

Logic Prevails

2005-06-27T00:39:00.000-04:00

Last week, I got an email from an old friend with good news... our pal Amberly is getting married!

Of course, I immediately emailed her with congratulations-- and a word of warning: Don't turn into a Bridezilla.

She swears up and down that she won't, and if nothing else, time is on her side. They just got engaged, and the wedding's in two months.

See, it's all a matter of logistics. One of them wants better health insurance, the other has a great health plan through work. One wants to take college classes, the other works for a company that covers education for employees and their spouses.

I can't say that I haven't thought about doing the same thing. Cory and I have both been job-hunting, and I'm in the process of contract re-negotiation at work. There's a good chance that in the future, one of us could be without a job and thus without insurance. What to do when the Cobra runs out? What else? Get married.

Of course, that's not how or why I want to get married. And I've decided that if we have to do it that way, I'm not telling you. In fact, I'm not telling anyone except our benefits administrator. And we'll go on with our normal lives, pretending to be living in sin, while we're actually married. That way, we can have our health insurance and still have our big sham of a wedding later and invite you all.

By the way, I haven't run this plan past Cory yet. I figure, why worry him about it now?

Creating a Monster

2005-05-15T12:35:00.000-04:00

I've been seriously bummed out all weekend because I couldn't go to Missouri for Cory's brother's wedding. Let's face it... since I'm an only child, it's pretty much the closest I'll ever get to having a sibling get married.

Last night at work, I was so depressed about not being at Casey and Nicole's wedding, my New Orleans roomie, Liz offered to take me out to dinner. So, while she was waiting for me to get my act together after the 6pm newscast, she was looking at wedding cakes on the computer. Liz is getting married in October and is in the serious stage of wedding planning (unlike me, who is "just browsing"). Let me tell you, there are some pretty ugly-ass cakes out there. In fact, I'd venture to say that there are even more ugly cakes out there than there are ugly dresses... and there's a lot of damned ugly dresses.

We ended up spending about half an hour of our dinner break cruising the wedding websites, looking at cakes and dresses. She showed me the dress that she's wearing... and it's gorgeous... though she says I didn't ooh and aah nearly enough when I saw the picture.

I think everyone else in the newsroom thought we were a little crazy. We were getting way too excited about looking at pictures of cakes. To be honest, I'd rather be taste-testing cakes... but the pictures will have to do for now.

If I can find some of the uglier cakes online again, I'll be sure to leave a link later on. Right now, I'm running late for work.

Dressy Dilemma

2005-05-01T01:58:00.000-04:00

I feel the need to preface this post by saying that I know we haven't even set a date yet... so I really shouldn't be worrying about this.

Ok, so here's the dilemma. I was killing time tonight, waiting for Cory to get home from the Braves game, and I started perusing the wedding dresses on EBay. So I found one that I really, really, really like. Thus the dilemma.

The wedding is, at best, probably two years down the road. And yet, I'm wondering whether or not to buy a gown over the internet. See, here's the thing. The dress is (currently) less than $50. And it's exactly what I've been thinking about. I'm not attaching a link, because the groom reads this blog, and I'm supersitious.

So, is it worth it to buy a $50 wedding dress... despite the fact that it might not even fit or flatter me? Keep in mind, everyone has to have their wedding dress altered... so "fit" isn't nearly as much of an issue as "flatter." If it looks ugly in person, or if I find something I like more at a later date, I could probably re-sell it for about the same price. And if it looks nice, then hell's bells, I got a wedding dress on the cheap.

On the other hand, 50 bucks is 50 bucks, right?

Please, throw in your two cents.

I Don't Even Know Where to Begin...

2005-03-27T13:36:00.000-05:00

I've had a few people forward these lovely wedding pictures to me.

Tell me this isn't for real. It's not, right? Right???!!!???

Only Four Days Left!!!

2005-03-06T01:04:00.000-05:00

Time is running out. Debbie Rowe's wedding ring, given to her my one Mr. Michael Jackson, is up for auction on EBay. The going rate appears to be $102, 500 so far.

And by the way, the ring is butt-ugly.

Love at First Bite

2005-03-06T00:53:00.000-05:00

Celebrate Your Love with Vampiric Nuptuals!

The good news: You don't have to be of age, counseling is available, and perhaps most important, you don't have to be a vampire.

The bad news: You (or your spouse) do have to be Super Natural. No human couples allowed.

And people worry about gay marriage.

Let the Cavalcade Begin!

2005-03-01T01:21:00.000-05:00

When Cory proposed to me, I was eight hours from home, on a business trip to New Orleans for the Sugar Bowl. I kind of felt like I was keeping a secret, since the only people that knew were my co-workers, my family, and the handful of people Cory told. I was too busy covering the Sugar Bowl to leave more than a brief note on my blog that morning.

When I returned to Columbus, I immediately became absorbed by the first symptoms of nuptual neurosis. I rushed out to Barnes and Noble, and spent the gift card that I'd received as a Christmas gift from Cory's mom on magazines such as "Elegant Bride" and "InStyle Weddings." Not that I read much of them. I was more interested in the advertisers.

See, much like most women's magazines, bridal magazines are primarily made up of ads. And somewhere near the back of the magazine is an advertiser's directory (or as "Elegant Bride" calls it, the "Bridal Concierge." Elegant, indeed.) Attached to the directory (or concierge) is a little, tear-off postcard that you can circle the products you're most interested in, and return it to the magazine. The particulary web-savvy have a website that fulfills the same function.

Translation: Free stuff. Lots of it. Invitation samples, catalogs of bridal gowns, accessories, and party favors. As my boss, Dave, often says; "If it's for free, it's for me."

The first wave of catalogs arrived a short week later. Jean M, Exclusively Weddings, The American Wedding Album. I received an invitation to an Anne Barge trunk show (the first of many from Anne Barge), and another invitation to a bridal exhibition at the Bloomingdale's at the Perimeter Mall in Atlanta (we couldn't go... both of us had to work. A bummer, since it promised a free gift basket for both the bride and the groom.)

Then nothing. For about three weeks.

Then, this weekend, I awoke to an unmistakable sound. The mailman, wrestling to shove something thick through the mail slot in our front door. Thicker than a magazine. Could it be? Yes! The cavalcade of catalogs continues! During my free time this weekend, I busied myself with Willow Tree Lane, The Precious Collection, Ann's Wedding Stationary, and Rexcraft.

I feel the symptoms coming on again. I think I'm coming down with another case of wedding fever.

Southern Wedding

2005-02-23T23:11:00.000-05:00

My good pal Crackhouse Nicki sent me this picture... It's her idea of a traditional Southern Wedding.

And people wonder why I don't want to get married here in Columbus.

But back to Nicki... I don't know where she finds this stuff. Until she sent me this picture, I was considering asking her to be a bridesmaid. But now I'm not so sure. Looks like Zoe might have to wear that little blue dress after all. Maybe my little sister Keiko (a white Akita) will have to don the taffeta, too.

By the way, Crackhouse Nicki's brother, Buddha (Real name Brian), will be on Discovery Channel's Biker Build-Off this Saturday at 6pm (ET). His episode already aired this Tuesday, but we didn't find out until too late-- so this time, we've set the TiVo. Hear that, Buddha? You're as high a priority as Jack Bauer and Sydney Bristoe.

The Case of the Disappearing Comments

2005-02-20T01:49:00.000-05:00

Sorry if you've commented recently on this site... I've switched my comments server from Blogger, to Haloscan, back to blogger in the last couple weeks. I lost some comments in the process. I swear, the comments will work now. Really. You may comment freely.

A Crooner's Crisis

2005-02-19T21:45:00.000-05:00

Note: This is also posted @ my site, but I'm posting it here as well for a little help from my friends. You may proceed.

A Little Help, People...

I'm standing up at my brother Casey's wedding as his best man in May. Most of you don't know my brother, but just envision the coolest guy on earth and that should be good.

Anyway, I'm also singing at the reception for his dance with our Mom. (Touching, I know...)

What I need is some help picking out a song to sing for their dance. I'm leaning toward Elton John, since my mom loves him. Any suggestions? I could really use your help with this, dear reader, as I'm kinda stuck choosing something.

Plus, if anyone has another suggestion that they would like to throw out, I'm cool with that. Stuff by Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, plus any other old standards...your help is more than welcome.

Come on, help a brother out....and mine, too.

You can post any suggestions you have in the comments below, or email me.

Thanks for your help, everyone!

Bridesmaid Blues

2005-02-10T21:08:00.000-05:00

I've often pondered what I should do about my bridesmaid situation. Sure, it's a little early to start worrying about this, considering we haven't even set a date yet, but it's never too early to stress out about your wedding, right?

I only have a very small handful of female friends, and if we get married somewhere outside of the Midwest, I don't know how available they would be to take a week of their lives and waste it on me.

Well, I think my dilemma may have been solved by an enterprising young woman in Manchester, U.K.

From the BBC website: Pet dog walks bride up the aisle
"The three-year-old [collie] will even be dressed in a pink frilly dress and bonnet for the service"

Of course, that got me wondering... How would Zoe look in a blue taffeta gown?

Now I just need to find a reception hall that serves Purina.

To the Book Depository!!

2005-02-09T14:42:00.000-05:00

I saw this at the Columbus Library's website and thought it would tickle your fancy.

Fueling your Bridezilla urges,
The Groom

Oh, The Humanity

2005-02-09T02:07:00.000-05:00

Tragedy strikes Columbus, Georgia.

Are you sitting down? Good. I have terrible news:
The bridal shop near our apartment has gone out of business.

Believe it or not, I've actually been in that shop... not to feed my current raging wedding obsession, but to get measured for my bridesmaid's dress in Crackhouse Nicki's wedding. And now it's gone. It's probably my fault for not getting married sooner.

The good news? Fewer bridal salons, less temptation for my raging, psycho inner bride.

The Sportslady's Transformation

2005-02-08T00:50:00.000-05:00

It's been one month, six days, twenty-three hours, and fifty minutes since Cory proposed to me. In that time, I've undergone a transformation...

from mild-mannered single woman...
...to neurotic future bride.

Ok, maybe I was never that mild-mannered. But there has been a definite transformation. Suddenly, I'm obsessed with all things bridal. I constantly bend Cory's ear with inane questions like "If the bridesmaids wear cobalt blue dresses, what color shoes should they wear?"

For the record, the wedding date hasn't even been set yet. We're tossing around the idea of "in about two years," but that's as specific as we've gotten.

I'm attempting to compartmentalize my recent wedding-related obsession. I bought a nice flowery box to store my growing collection of bridal magazines (out of sight, out of mind). And now, I've started this separate blog, so that my normal blog readers won't be subjected to my delusions.

And now, an apology. To all of my married (and divorced) friends: Remember all those times you told me about your wedding plans, and my eyes glazed over with disinterest? I'm sorry. Really, really, really sorry. And any advice you want to give me now, I'm more than willing to take.

Please???